part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
