he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
