I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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