he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
