I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
