I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
