Me. At least after what I've been through.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
