Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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