she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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