"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
