plz talk dirty to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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