hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
