I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
