I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
