i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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