Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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