Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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