this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Maybe he injected his testicle?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
