My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
