do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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