I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
