Who did Billy Mays play for?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
