Whod you bang
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
