This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
