I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
