who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
