I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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