I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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