I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
