I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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