she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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