dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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