omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
