hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
