Its about making memories worth repressing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
