after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
