what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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