Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
