dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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