I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
