I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
