So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
