I should be sponsored by Trojan
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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