I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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