if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
