He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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