my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
