I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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