apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
