things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
