it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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