I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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