My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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